Saturday, October 22, 2005

When God Speaks...Crazy Stuff...

So I haven't blogged for at least a week now- I've been busy. So busy and stressed that I haven't been sleeping- in fact my eye has been twitching for a few weeks now because of it. So I should be heading to bed right now, but I have to share something with you!

Ok, to preface this, you have to know that I am in ministry at a college campus- I'm the leader of Campus Crusade for Christ on my campus.

Thursday, I came to a breaking point. My frustration level has been building up over time here on my campus, because I have been here doing what I am doing for a year or more, with no change. At lease, no change that I seem to want to give credit to- I know God is moving all around me everyday- I could tell you crazy things about what has happened even in the last week! But I have known for several months now that something huge is coming. Something so beyond me that only God could do. An eternally lifechanging spirit of awakening on my campus, and the other campuses and communities in the area- spreading to the world. (So I realize that this may be sounding a little crazy to you, but check out the last verse of Jonah before you scoff)

Anyway, this hasn't happened. And I haven't even seen a trickle of it hardly- none on my campus. I have been growing frustrated, thinking "what else can I do- what can I do differently, what am I not doing enough of, why am I such a failure, why is nothing happening, Maybe I'm not supposed to be doing what I am doing, Why? I desperately want to see people find life, and really live! Why have I not seen this happen?" All around me people are dieing- searching for love and purpose, and not finding it, meanwhile I have it, and dont' know how to lead people to it! I grew more and more frustrated with it untill Thursday, when I realized it and talked it over with my girlfriend, a conversation that went late.

Friday, I woke up out of the darkness with a new perspective. At some point yesterday, I realized that I wasn't frustrated with myself, as I thought I was, but actually I was frustrated with God. "Why do you not see these people all around me dieing- why wont you save them, reveal your self to them?" I wasn't happy with God.

Now I have been neglecting picking up my bible and actually reading it lately- the past few weeks actually, but Friday, I finally made myself do it. I picked it up, and instantly knew to go to Psalms- and I flipped right to Chapter 77. So I read...and kept reading through ch 85. It was wild. The words spoke exactly what I was feeling! I was crying out to God, and this was saying exactly what my heart was saying!

To make this shorter, I'll skip ahead to today- I arrived at work early this morning and did some more reading. I picked up the bible, and again- strange, I know- I knew to go to Jeremiah, chapter 3. So I said, "Ok, God, if you want me to read that, you are going to have to help me find it, because I can't remember where it is right now." (I work early morning).

So, I flipped right to Jeremiah, and then paged over to ch. 3. I began to read, and I was floored. It was exactly what I had been feeling- to a T. It was absolutely in tune with my heart, the same as I had read yesterday, only skimmed down, and with one very notable difference- This chapter, unlike yesterdays, was the words of God.

I suggest checking out how similar it is, but here are some examples for you:

Psalms 78 Speaks of the history of Israel- God providing, and then they turn thier backs, God provides, they turn thier backs, God provides, and they turn thier backs...
Then, 79:5- "How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever? Will your Jelously burn like fire?...Let your compassion come speedily to meet us..."

Then

Jer 3:1
"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man,should he return to her again?Would not the land be completely defiled?But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers--would you now return to me?" declares the LORD.
Jer 3:12
"'Return, faithless Israel,' declares the LORD,'I will frown on you no longer,for I am merciful,' declares the LORD,'I will not be angry forever.


He spoke to me throught this saying that I am not alone, and that he desires what I desire even more so than I- they were his desires first. Awesome huh? So now I do not doubt what I am doing, nor do I doubt God. I know that this awakening, this revival is coming.
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