Saturday, October 22, 2005

When God Speaks...Crazy Stuff...

So I haven't blogged for at least a week now- I've been busy. So busy and stressed that I haven't been sleeping- in fact my eye has been twitching for a few weeks now because of it. So I should be heading to bed right now, but I have to share something with you!

Ok, to preface this, you have to know that I am in ministry at a college campus- I'm the leader of Campus Crusade for Christ on my campus.

Thursday, I came to a breaking point. My frustration level has been building up over time here on my campus, because I have been here doing what I am doing for a year or more, with no change. At lease, no change that I seem to want to give credit to- I know God is moving all around me everyday- I could tell you crazy things about what has happened even in the last week! But I have known for several months now that something huge is coming. Something so beyond me that only God could do. An eternally lifechanging spirit of awakening on my campus, and the other campuses and communities in the area- spreading to the world. (So I realize that this may be sounding a little crazy to you, but check out the last verse of Jonah before you scoff)

Anyway, this hasn't happened. And I haven't even seen a trickle of it hardly- none on my campus. I have been growing frustrated, thinking "what else can I do- what can I do differently, what am I not doing enough of, why am I such a failure, why is nothing happening, Maybe I'm not supposed to be doing what I am doing, Why? I desperately want to see people find life, and really live! Why have I not seen this happen?" All around me people are dieing- searching for love and purpose, and not finding it, meanwhile I have it, and dont' know how to lead people to it! I grew more and more frustrated with it untill Thursday, when I realized it and talked it over with my girlfriend, a conversation that went late.

Friday, I woke up out of the darkness with a new perspective. At some point yesterday, I realized that I wasn't frustrated with myself, as I thought I was, but actually I was frustrated with God. "Why do you not see these people all around me dieing- why wont you save them, reveal your self to them?" I wasn't happy with God.

Now I have been neglecting picking up my bible and actually reading it lately- the past few weeks actually, but Friday, I finally made myself do it. I picked it up, and instantly knew to go to Psalms- and I flipped right to Chapter 77. So I read...and kept reading through ch 85. It was wild. The words spoke exactly what I was feeling! I was crying out to God, and this was saying exactly what my heart was saying!

To make this shorter, I'll skip ahead to today- I arrived at work early this morning and did some more reading. I picked up the bible, and again- strange, I know- I knew to go to Jeremiah, chapter 3. So I said, "Ok, God, if you want me to read that, you are going to have to help me find it, because I can't remember where it is right now." (I work early morning).

So, I flipped right to Jeremiah, and then paged over to ch. 3. I began to read, and I was floored. It was exactly what I had been feeling- to a T. It was absolutely in tune with my heart, the same as I had read yesterday, only skimmed down, and with one very notable difference- This chapter, unlike yesterdays, was the words of God.

I suggest checking out how similar it is, but here are some examples for you:

Psalms 78 Speaks of the history of Israel- God providing, and then they turn thier backs, God provides, they turn thier backs, God provides, and they turn thier backs...
Then, 79:5- "How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever? Will your Jelously burn like fire?...Let your compassion come speedily to meet us..."


Jer 3:1
"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man,should he return to her again?Would not the land be completely defiled?But you have lived as a prostitute with many lovers--would you now return to me?" declares the LORD.
Jer 3:12
"'Return, faithless Israel,' declares the LORD,'I will frown on you no longer,for I am merciful,' declares the LORD,'I will not be angry forever.

He spoke to me throught this saying that I am not alone, and that he desires what I desire even more so than I- they were his desires first. Awesome huh? So now I do not doubt what I am doing, nor do I doubt God. I know that this awakening, this revival is coming.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Living Safely

I spent some time out in Colorado this summer- out at CSU in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. The place was amazing- the people were amazing. It is beautiful!

One morning at 3:30 am, I and some friends set off to hike a small peak called Horsetooth, which was aptly named for its likeness to a horse's tooth. We knew that it would take at least an hour and a half to hike up, and we wanted to be there when the sun came up. So we arrive in the dark, and start hiking- most of us still half asleep. It was a great hike- beautiful scenery, trees, rocks, dirt- you know, stuff in the mountains. We even saw a few mule deer on our way up. After about an hour and fifteen minutes or so, we come to a clearing at the base of the rock called horsetooth. To the far side, a small, narrow trail led up to the top, which looked quite threatening. It was still dark, though it was getting light quickly, and the way looked pretty rough; not a very safe way. If we waited until daylight, we would be able to see what we were doing and easily make it to the top, but we would miss the sunrise. If we went now, we risked possible injury and possibly our life. I realized that we had gone as far as we could go, safely.

So has American Christianity. We have gone as far as we can go, safely.

And the problem is, if we continue to do what we are doing, we will continue to lose our neighbors and friends to the powers of darkness.

We have built the largest subculture there has ever been. There are christian books, christian internet sites, christian radio, christian tv programs, christian clothing, christian conferences, christian everything. We can go to our beautiful buildings and sit and say we have won. We have transformed from a Christian culture, where most people accepted and followed basic Christian teachings, to a post-christian culture. If we continue doing what we have been doing, we will leave most of our generation unreached for Christ.

I believe that I am not alone. I believe that there are many of us, who have a restlessness in our hearts. We look at our lives and say "I want to make a bigger difference in the world for the cause of Christ that I have done so far- I want more!" I also believe that God is cool with that. You know when you go to a fast food restaraunt, and you are asked "do you wanna supersize it?" I believe God is saying to us, "Do you want your life supersized?" God wants to biggie size the rest of our lives! We have been chosen to live in this time in history for a reason.

I believe we are at the "Ester" cross roads. Check it out- she was born and put into incredible circumstances for a purpose. Her role in saving her people, all of the Jewish people, is absolutely crucial. But what she has to do is dangerous. She has to break the law. She has to risk her life. She saves the lives of her people.

We, like Ester, are living at a defining moment. Lives are on the line. You and I have been sent into the game in the fourth quarter. We are on the ten yard line with seconds on the clock. The pressure is on. This is not the time for first quarter mentalities. Now is not the time to relax, or lay back. This is the time where we throw caution to the wind, taking whatever risks we have to take. We must not play like a first quarter Christian when God has sent us to be an impact player in the heat of the game, when the game is on the line!

We are living in a defining moment, but we are also living in the most unreached generation in American history. Over half of the country is unchurched. Most have heard the name Jesus, but many do not know what that name means. People are hurt, people are desperate. They are crying out for love, and finding false gods to fill thier needs because we who know the answer are afraid to share it with them. There is only one unconditional love that can heal the wounds of those who are in wounded, only one truth that can break the chains of those who are in bondage.

Look at the story of Moses- God says "I have heard the cry of the people!" Moses says- Its about time. God says, I am going to rescue them! Moses says "yes!" God says I am sending you. Moses says...oh. I believe that God has bigger plans for you, bigger plans for you than you know of, bigger plans that you have fulfilled, bigger dreams than you have dreamed. I believe that now is the time. I believe that God has heard the cries of dying people all over the world, and he is coming down to rescue them, and he is sending you and me.

Taking care of the 99 is easy. Jesus said he has come to seek and save those who are lost.

When the Titanic went down, thousands of people went down with the ship. There were only 20 life boats, and hundreds of life jackets. Hundreds of people got life jackets and were floating in the waters. They were crying out, "Help me! Help me!" Twenty life boats, many of which were not full, just kept rowing in the other direction. Finaly, one turned around and went back, but by then it was too late for all but 6 people. When the funeral boats arrived a few days later they came upon the sight of 328 people floating in the water, frozen to death. They didn't die because the titanic went down, they died becasue the peole who werre already saved didn't turn around for the people who were not saved yet.

We have been born into a defining moment. We have been given a desperate mission.

In Matthew 1:21, it says, "You shall call him Jesus, for he will save people from thier sins." If you look at the Greek for the word save, it means "rescue." In Luke 19, you find it again- the Son of Man came to seek and to (rescue from dieing) save those who are lost. In John 3:16, the word "perish" means the same as the word for "lost" in Luke 19- it means that Jesus has come to rescue those that are lost, those that are dieing. The central heart of Jesus, the central passion of Christ is the rescue of those who are dieing!

When we go to the mall, or work, or class- he sees dieing people. Do I see dieing people? God open the eyes of my heart and let me see the desperate situation. How do we pray? Do we pray with the kind of intensity of a life and death situation? When you speak, is it as a dieing man to dieing men? With that kind of intensity?

Do not fall into the mindset of tasks to do, but lives at stake. That is so important. If we see ourselves as a rescuer of drowning people, if we see it as a life or death situaion, we all of as sudden, it focuses all of our attention.

On 9-11, the firemen of NewYork knew that it was all about rescue- they abandoned fear and focused their attention on saving lives. They knew it was life or death. They ran into the burning towers to save the dieing, to rescue the wounded. They dropped what they were doing, and went into the mindstate that personal safety doesn't matter- someone is dieing, I have to rescue them; abandoning it all; it is a rescue! Doing whatever it takes. Leaving safety to rescue the dying: that is the intensity, the passion that I want to live.

What are we missing out on because we are living safely? What hard place is not being reached because it is hard, because it is up the dangerous part of the mountain? Who will move beyond a safe place to a dangerous place where hope is rare? Take the risks. We cannot rescue from our comfort zone. Radical abandonment. We have a desperate mission. I want to wake up every morning with the knowledge that this is life and death.

You know what needs to happen to rescue the dying? We must awaken the primary rescuers. You know who the primary rescuers are? Not proffesionals. Not preachers. Not evangelists. It is the people that are around them every day. It is the average Joe Christians that are in contact with them all the time. All the Christians that are in our churches today.

Just a side comment- but do you realize what would happen if American Christians just tithed the ten percent that God asks? It is estimated that it would take about 70 billion dollars to take care of world poverty for one year. That is to cover food, water, medical care, and education for all of those in poverty in the entire world. If Amercian Christians tithed just ten percent, we could knock out world poverty every year, and still have about 60 billion dollars left over to spread the gospel. What would happen? There are two types of people in America- the stuffed and the starving. We as Christians are always asking for the blessing. We need to take our blessing to those who are starving.

The people who are most qualified to reach the dieing are the average Joe Christians. The people who feel least qualified to do the rescuing are in the best position to do it. We must awaken them. They have been underchallenged and over entertained. If you notice peole on mission trips start reading thier bibles, and making a point to pray more. Why? Because for that week they really need thier beliefs. Why don't we challenge them to go home and make it a year-round mission trip? A year round misison trip on thier campuses, in thier homes, on their job sites, in the gym, at the grocery store!

For this to happen, there must be a want to and a how to. If there is not want to, we are rowing in our lifeboats singing "I'm redeemed!" We must awaken Christians in America to the war around them, to the desperate cries of dieing people around them, and that they have a crucial role in rescuing those POW's. Then they must have a how to- if its just a want to, it will never get done. If they have a how to, they will have nice notes in thier notebooks and never do a thing. They need both.

Also, do you realize that in most Christian meetings, the lost have no voice? They are not in the room. No one speaks for the lost. We need to be reminded of what it means to be lost today. We cannot be consumed with the passion for rescuing dieing people if we do not know what it means to be dieing.

Lastly, it is crucial to start mobilizing a prayer attack for the rescue of lost souls. Could you immagine if every lost person in the circle of every Christian was prayed for by name? What if every prisoner of darkness was broken loose as only prayer can do from the clutches of the enemy? Prayer is love at war. Let us go to war.

We must stick to Jesus. We must not get off on religious discussions, or life style issues, but stick to Jesus. For I am to preach Christ and Christ crucified. Our job is to lead people on a walk up skull hill at calvary for the first time in thier lives. Let them see how much God loves them. We must also close it- ask for a verdict. If we only present the message and not give them an opportunity to make the decision, we are joking ourselves, Christ, and those who are lost. If it is life or death, we have to close.

As the American Church, if we are going to go to rescue the dieing, we must also be ready to take care of them. How is our nursery? Would God send us a harvest if we are not ready for it? We must prepare the barns. We must be ready to follow up.

You and I are living in a defining moment, we have been given a dicisive position. Are you ready to climb the steep and dangerous path? Are you ready to move to where you are not safe- where you are not socially safe? Geographically safe? Politically safe? Financially safe? Methodologically safe? Are you ready to move beyond safety? God desires for each of us to be apart of his glorious work that he is doing, to join the ranks of wariors, to enter the game in the fourth quarter with ten yards to go, and seconds on the clock. And I hope you are wiling to take that step, to take the undiscovered path, to step out into the unknown and reach for the heavens. We are at the path- we are as far as we could go safely. 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ climbed the dangerous path, and took the step of faith and lived dangerously and died gloriously to rescue the dieing.

I'll tell you what happened on that morning hike. As Martin Luther King Jr. said in his famous "I have a Dream!" speech, I have been to the mountain top! We all decided to go for it despite the risk involved, and with some effort, we made it to the top, just in time to watch the sun come up over the great plains. I'll even indulge you- immagine you are standing on a small outcropping in the foot hills of the Rocky's-the highest point for several miles, and you are facing north. To your right, the sun is glowing golden orange on the horizon and lighting up the town below, and you can see forever. In front of you the green foot hills, growing larger from right to left, are glowing green as the light hits them and gives them life. To your left, you can see the shadows of the small peaks on the larger ones, and the foothills turn into small mountains, and then off in the distance the sunlight is hitting on the snow capped 14 thousand foot peaks, standing tall and strong in the morning. It is glorious. It is overwhelmingly beautiful. The air is crisp, the day is clear, the breeze whips around you like the Spirit of God. We spontaneously broke out into worship and prayer- it was absolutly amazing. Talk about basking in the glory of God!

So much for living safely...

Mein Kampf

My struggle. I confess.

To all who read this: I am guilty. I am a sinner. I am less than what I say that I am, less than I desire to be, less than the goal that I feel like I must fill. I beg for you forgiveness for the following...

I am not a representative of Christ. I am a hypocritical man. I have some serious pride issues. I often feel superior to my friends and fellow leaders, to my family, to everyone around me. I usually have the mindset that I know what is best, and if you dissagree, then "I'll let you be, and hope that you learn and grow through your experience." I judge you. I look at you can compare you to who I think I should be. Honestly, if I were to compare you to myself I would find us both on an equall level in the same crap hole, but I often don't let myself consider that. I am over confident in myself- cocky if you will. I know that I scare people off, and away from Christ, because I do not portray him, even though I often believe I am doing so in the midst of it.
Many times I do not care about what people tell me. I ask how they are- even go into detail, but in reality- my thoughts are "who cares?" I don't care about thier situation. I don't care if you are having problems with a boy, or with your job, or you are suffering with a class. I do act as though I do, because I believe that is what Jesus would do, but honestly I often do not truly have compassion. I regularly tell people what I think they should do though- try to fix them. I like fixing people- I am the king of opinionated advice giving. Am I right? Who cares. I don't ever think I am really wrong.
I usually lead people in such a way that requires much grace from them. I shove my ideas and attitudes on them, scare them even from thier own potential. They believe, and rightfully so, that I am judging them for who they are based on what they are doing in comparrison to me. I make comments- trying to be helpful and give guidance- that most likely crush thier spirit, without giving thought to how they are feeling or what they are thinking. I do not want to be like this. I offer up "new ideas and suggestions that might make them more successful" when really I have no better of an understanding of anything than they. I judge them on what they do, not even thinking about where they are coming from. I am based soley on the outcome, forgetting the means- I dont' care how anyone feels during, only after the fact. I don't care that people are uncomfortable, or unstable, but arent' they going to be joyful or proud of what they were apart of afterwards? I am pushy. I "pick up the leadership role and shove on" making "leadership decisions" and such, mean while turning folks off left and right. I have no sensitivity to anyone's perceptions, and if I get a hint of dissatisfaction, I immediately blame it on thier own shortcomings, rather than myself, because I cannot be wrong. Forgive me.
I make comments and share ideas, often I overstep my bounds, doing such that it forces people to sit down rather than inspire them to stand on thier feet and yell. I am overbearing; I am a control freak.
I am prejudiced- when I get an idea of a person in my head, I let it stay there. I see people as projects and not persons.
I am legalistic.
I cause pain to people- I base my confidence soley in truth, even when it hurts. I do not know how to be gentle or compassionate, empathetic. I often think to myself "ok, move on, cowboy up!" rather than exploring or being with someone- going to them and just being with them there.
I argue, I am stubborn as all get-out. I am so strong in my views, that no one else can be right- "they will all learn." I am fundamentally headstrong.

In reality, I am nothing. I am weak, and poor. I fall short everyday, and overlook it. I sit here in this chair, begging for your forgiveness. My heart is torn. I am imperfect. I am insecure, unconfident. I beg you- please give me grace, even though I have held back grace from you. I am so sorry. I hate these things about myself. I do not want to be this. My deepest fears are true. Lord, forgive me- I am unworthy of life, of the very breath I breath. Depart from me, for I am a sinner. I am not good enough to be in your presence. God, I am sorry. Heal the wounds that I have caused. Open my eyes and my heart to really and truly feel and know and see the pain I cause- the motive behind my actions. I am desperate Lord- I cry out to you! Forgive me!!! I cannot stand on my own. I am a wretch. I am naive. I am so immature. I do not understand you, anyone else, or myself. God, break me of my pride. Break me of my stubborness, my lack of compassion. Let me see the grief of others, the point of views, the situations, and let me be not afraid of going there. Give me grace Lord, and please let me impart it in a likewise manner. Create in me a sensitivity, that I might empathize with pain, that I might recognize hurt and sorrow. That I might cry out in utter desperation for my brothers and sisters, for my own shortcomings. I long for you Lord. Transform me, my heart. Break me Lord. Be with me and encourage my heart. Teach me your ways, guid my steps. Purify my motives, speak truth to the lies I believe. Confront me and convict me. Love me and hold me. Protect me, be proud of me. I want to be a light for you, a true reflection of you, that draws people to you, rather than scares them away. Let me be a righteous and real ambassador.

This is my confession. Forgive me. Please.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Too Extreme?

So it has been brought to my attention that I might be a bit extreme. Maybe even offensive. Now for context, this is from a fellow Christian, not an unbeliever- so this person meant that I am over the top in my thinking about Christianity. Now I will say this- I am a lot of talk. I cannot be all that I want to be- its like what Paul said, "I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I desire to do." Therefore I do not hold other Christians at a higher standard than myself- nor do I beat myself up when I screw up- and this happens quite often.

It was also mentioned to me that I might be a bit legalistic. Ok, so this is possible, but lets talk motive. Do I ride the evangelism train a little hard? In comparison to most, probably, but why? Because I have tasted the best icecream in the world, and now I want to share it. Not for my sake of course, but rather because there are millions of people out there all around me who are looking for the best icecream in the world and I want them to be able to enjoy it with me. Granted, I cannot make any one eat of the icecream, but if the person is ready, I am willing to take them to it!

And how's this for risky....I do think we all, as a part of the body, have a responsibility to share the gospel. We may not all be skilled in it. It may not be our strong point. We may be uncomfortable in it, but we all have a responsibility in it. Now this is not to say we all have to go spread the word to all the nations, because we don't. If we see 10,000 souls won to Christ, it will not improve our standing in God's eyes. If we work hard for 10 years and never see one, it does not make us less of a Christian. Here's how I think about it- you see that person who is without God, who you have had opportunity after opportunity to share Christ with him or her, and haven't? Let's say Jesus comes tonight, or you never see her again, or whatever. I don't want to later think about them saying "Dude, why didn't you tell me?" Again, thier salvation is not our responsibility- so don't feel guilty, but given the opportunity to lead a person to the choice of Christ, that lies with us.

Is this so freaking radical? Is this really that extreme? It is horrible to have a vision, to have passion, to reject seniality? (senile-ness?) I reject that I am too extreme. In fact, I am not extreme. I am a wus. I look around at all the opportunities I have, all the situations I am in, all my resources, and I know that I am not responsible with them.

I am visionary though. I see things possible that not to many others can see. And I act a little drastically, act a little unconventionally, even recklessy at times. Why am I like a puppy on speed? Look at the guy that Jesus healed of blindness: The guy is probably about 30 or so, and was born blind- never saw a thing. Then Jesus opened his eyes- gave him vision- and what happened next? This guy stood up before the Pharasees- like me standing in front of the President and his Cabinet or something- and proclaimed Christ. He stood up for him. He told the villagers. He went crazy, and so would you. He was like a puppy on speed. Need I draw the parallel for you?

Or maybe check out....Paul. Look at this guy- he was walking in darkness- didn' t know the truth. What happened? He was knocked of his high horse and then blinded. After he was given back his vision and had experienced the living God in a way he never thought possible, what did he do? He was like a puppy on speed. He tore it up. And he never resisted.

Check this- in France there was this girl, I think her name was Duran or something, and she was 14 years old. The authorities asked her to recant her faith, and when she didn't they locked her in a tower by the sea. The room had stone walls and floor. This is no fairy tale, this happened. She was locked up there for the next 30 something years, I think it was 34, and all she had to do was recant to get out. To this day, if you go to that tower and look in the room, there is the word "RESIST" scratched multiple times into those stone walls. And you think I am radical?

Or Peter, who saw something so amazing it provoked him to spread the world all over the place, and when he died, he requested to be crucified upside down. Or the others who walked away from everything they knew to follow Christ, and later were skinned and fried alive, crucified, stoned, whipped, beaten, jailed, etc. for him. They broke the law. They abandoned thier lives and what people thought about them. People had to wonder why- which gave them the perfect opening into Christ. And I am extreme?

Need I say more?

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

just a college student

Ok, so I'm just a college student. Big deal.

Am I allowed to have faith in something greater than myself? Am I allowed to share with people the most incredible thing that exists? Or would you rather I keep it all to myself?

Let me ask you this: What does it mean to live? What does it mean to live free? We are all searching- face it. Look what we've turned to...shallow pop culture, changing trends and selfish desires. Where has this left us? I'll tell you where it has left us- sitting on a foundation that is cracked and shaking and about to fall over, and we all know it. We are prisoners to our obsessions. We are in bondage to imperfection. We are POW's in the war of existance, a war that we were born into, and it is real. It's like the Matrix.

Do you ever wonder if there is something more to life than this...just going to class, to work, raising a family, living in a house...yadda yadda? What ever happened to real life- you know, adventure, beauty, intimacy? We all want something, we are all fighting for something, we just don't know what it is. But you know what- we are all crying out for the same thing. We are not alone in this struggle, this epic tale.

Why are men not standing firm, fighting for anything? Why does Hollywood control how we think? Why are we so content with what we see happening all around us? Why do we blame the government for everything, or the authorities, or whoever we can? Why are we afraid to belong to something?

We are searching for love- true love, not the TV version of sex and happiness, but rather an absolute acceptance that is unconditional- no strings attached; a love that defies all that we know, that breaks the laws of our material and success driven minds, that heals our hearts and breaths life into our souls.

Why are we afraid to shine? What stops us from becoming dangerously good, intensely pure, passionately humble? Why are we afraid to love? Is it wrong to reach out to a man or woman who is desperately crying out for someone to notice? Why is suicide an option?

Are we afraid of fear? Are we scared to be a hero, to lay down our lives for a cause? What is different now than in the 60's? Can we not rally behind the ultimate cause? Can we not recieve strength and support, encouragement and love? Can we not live our lives as if there were no tomorow? That if tomorow comes, it is a blessing, but today we will fight? But we are confined to our couches, captivated by our video games. We are in a groove, and we are resistant to change. We think we are radical, but we do not truly know what it means to radically, recklessly abandon our lives. We think we are something else, but we know we are lost. This does not have to be.

Why do we not realize that our role is crucial? When? Now. How long? Forever. But what?

What does it mean to really live? There is an answer.
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